Thinking of moving? The nuts and bolts of the move, alone, includes dozens of moving (ha) pieces. To that, add attempts to meet the needs of every one who will be affected by the move.
The other day I asked Raiden if he thought kids should be involved in decisions about moving:
“I think if the kid really likes where they are and has a lot of friends you should ask them; but if they don't like it or don't have many friends… well, I think you should ask them anyway. But if they really like their (in brackets: current) town you should definitely ask.”
I upped the ante: "What if the parent has a new job in another city, and they need to move to make money?"
A pause.
Raiden: “Hmm…”
Me: "Yeah, it's a tough one…"
Raiden: “Maybe they could come back and visit the town often? Like maybe on the weekends? That's all I can think of.”
We discussed a few more scenarios, such as what if one parent doesn't like the place they're living, but the other parent and kids do?
Raiden doesn't have all the answers, and neither do I. It is complicated, with layers of needs, wants, and family well-being to consider. Making these decisions in a way that feels good starts with a foundation of trust, communication, and listening.
How would you approach a big family decision like this? How do you think your kids would approach it if asked?
Peace Everyone,
Bria
This post couldn't have come at a better time. I read it to my family because we're considering moving in the next year and could relate to the concerns Raiden brought up. In fact, many of the things he shared were very similar to what my kids said when we first started having discussions about moving. We totally agree that kids should be involved in big decisions, especially ones that will have a major impact on their lives. Of course, there will be times when special circumstances arise, when things are out of their/our control, like the example you gave about leaving for a new job. In those cases, I still believe it's important that kids' feelings, needs, and concerns are considered throughout the process and in return ask them to consider things too. I'd ask, "Are we willing to make some compromises as family/community in order to do what's best for an individual? And vice versus. It's tricky stuff but so important in building trust and communication.