My favorite part of the day is emptying the dishwasher with my 15 month old
It’s virtually impossible to get household tasks done with a toddler playing, running, exploring, and wanting attention around you.
So I started emptying the dishwasher with Nova in the kitchen, and she started doing it alongside me. She picks out the utensils, one by one. At first, she dropped them on the floor and I picked them up (oh well, it’s just a floor), said “thank you,” and put them in the drawer. Then she started holding them out for me to grab.
Nova pulls the plates up and does the same — holds one out, waiting for me to grab it. If I take a few seconds to grab it from her, she holds it there longer, waiting. I don’t know how her little muscles can do this, but they can. Some days, she runs to the dishwasher and tries to pull the handle down, asking to empty it. Some days, she doesn’t give it a second look. But she always wants to empty it when I ask her if she’d like to.
A friend shared with me that, as parents, we teach our kids at a very young age that household tasks are something to be hated, and something we don’t want them to be a part of by: A) making it clear how much we, ourselves, dread household tasks, and B) conveying to our kids that we need them out of our way while we are doing chores. In other words, household tasks are something grown-ups do, begrudgingly, and by ourselves — without kids in our way. Then, when our kids are “old enough,” we start demanding they do the very things we have made them believe are miserable and not for them.
What a message.
For Nova, emptying the dishwasher doesn’t suck. Instead of showing her that it does suck, that she’s in the way, or that household tasks are something to loathe and fear, I am engaging in a connection activity with her. I’m communicating how grateful I am to do this together and for her help, and marveling at how strong and capable she is.
I’m not saying she’ll grow up and love doing dishes. She might. Many of us don’t, and loving household tasks isn’t necessary to survival (or even very realistic).
But what if the connection can stay? Either by knowing she’s helping within the family/the community, or by continuing to do these things together, or both? What if it’s a connection activity? What if, in this small way, I enjoy doing the dishes more?
Peace Everyone,
-Bria