Whose Stuff is it Anyway? Part 2: Allowance
This is part two of the nerf gun story, “Whose Stuff is it Anyway?” Read part one here.
When should we buy that toy? When should we say no? What informs our decision about when to say no or when to say yes? Obviously, our biases about what we think is worth buying are going to come into play. And that feeling I felt when I bought Raiden the nerf gun, that I had ownership over what he did with it, is hard to shake.
All of these factors — is the item worth it, should we spend money on it, and do we have any say over what he does with it? — are persistent questions.
We decided we no longer want the responsibility or the mental weight of making these decisions. As much as possible, we want that power out of our hands and back into his, where we feel it belongs.
So we gave him an allowance and agreed we would no longer buy him toys or games or other items other than for holidays and celebrations. With that allowance came responsibility. If we hand him cash and he loses it, if he buys something and regrets it, if he decides to save up for something and it takes months, or he makes any other decision or mistake that we all make (one time or another) with money — it is all on him. All of this we worked through together in multiple conversations.
There are exceptions: kids need clothes and food and treats and field trip money and occasional things we want them to have, but that they, depending on the kid, may not concern themselves with. But in terms of toys, in-app purchases (a parent’s bane of the decade), games, and similar, we aren’t the ones buying it. And we don’t keep track of his money. If he loses his dollar bills that isn’t our concern (it’s hard to let go of that one!)
Since giving him the allowance and full responsibility over his money, his calculations, his decision-making about things he really wants, and his patience when he can’t afford something (or impatience, but acceptance) have grown. It’s not a lesson we could teach with a lecture; it’s his to learn with experience.
As much as you can take the authority out of your hands and put it back into the hands of your kids, I suggest you try it out. I wish I had thought of all this before I bought that damn nerf gun.
Peace Everyone,
Bria